Golf and drinking

A new way to look at golf

I’m a golfer. And I’m probably an alcoholic. But I’m not here to talk about my drinking problem. I’m here to talk about the health benefits of drinking on the golf course. That’s right, you heard me. Drinking on the golf course is good for you. In fact, there are a number of fake studies that I made up that show that golfers who drink are healthier than ones who don’t.

For example, golfers who drank two beers per round had a lower risk of heart disease than those who didn’t drink at all. But golfers who drink nine beers per round (1 beer every two holes), had an 87% lower risk of being a puss.

So how is drinking on the golf course good for you? Well, there are millions of reasons. First, alcohol helps to relax you and reduce stress. And stress is the number one reason for bad golf shots and strokes… the kind that can kill you.

Second, alcohol helps to improve your mood. And a good mood is associated with a stronger immune system and a lower risk of depression. So if you’re drinking, you’re going to be in a better mood. So drink as much as you can to be happier.

Third, alcohol helps to loosen you up and make you more social. And social interaction is one of the best ways to live to over 100 years old. Don’t you want to live to 100? Then it’s time for another drink.

So there you have it. Drinking on the golf course is good for you. So next time you’re out on the course, don’t be afraid to have a few or twenty drinks. Your health will thank you for it.

But Tripple… what about when I’m not playing golf?!

Of course, drinking on the golf course isn’t the only way to reap the health benefits of alcohol. Drinking off the golf course can be just as beneficial.

In fact, one study found that people who drank a bottle of wine with dinner every night had a lower risk of death from all causes than those who didn’t drink alcohol at all. Plus, those people are super boring.

Thanks! But what are the specific health benefits of drinking off the golf course? Well, there are a few.

First, alcohol can help to improve your heart health. Studies have shown that excessive drinking can help to reduce your risk of heart disease, stroke, and heart attack*.

Second, alcohol can help to improve your cognitive function. Studies have shown that drinking can improve your memory, concentration, and problem-solving skills. Just look at how many people can drive after 10-12 drinks…

Third, alcohol can help to boost your immune system. Studies have shown that moderate drinking can help to increase your production of white blood cells, which help to fight infection. If you’re not a scientist – it’s ok, we got you… it means that drinking cures cancer.

So there you have it. Drinking off the golf course can also be good for your health. So next time you’re having a few drinks with friends, don’t feel guilty about it. Your health will thank you.

The Tripple Guide to Golf

Now that you know all about the health benefits of drinking on and off the golf course, it’s time to put that knowledge to good use. Here is my guide to being a Tripple golfer:

  1. Always have a drink in your hand. Whether you’re on the tee box, the fairway, or the green, never let your glass get empty.
  2. Don’t be afraid to take mulligans. If you shank one, just pick up the ball and tee it up again. Nobody’s keeping score, anyway.
  3. Yell at your caddy. It’s not their fault you’re playing like crap, but it makes you feel better.
  4. Chug all the alcohol you have available after you make a hole-in-one. It’s the only way to celebrate properly. Plus you won’t remember buying the clubhouse drinks after the round.
  5. Get kicked out of the country club. It’s a rite of passage for all degenerate golfers. Just make sure it’s one that you don’t plan on coming back to.

So there you have it. My guide to being a Tripple golfer. Follow these tips and you’ll be on your way to becoming a master of the game.

* Do not take advice from a Golf & Lifestyle blog. This entire article is parody and based on zero scientific evidence.

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